Eat the Giant Cock

I watch a lot of television. Well, to be fair, I use my laptop to watch a lot of TV shows.

I bought every season of It’s Always Sunny on iTunes.

I watched all of The League on Netflix.

Recently I illegally downloaded The Americans which is something I never do.

I like to pay for my entertainment. I know many people who work in the entertainment industry and it makes me feel guilty to steal movies and TV shows.

I felt so guilty about stealing from Keri Russell that I turned off the computer and started watching some actual TV.

I feel like subjecting myself to watching the commercials is my way of paying my way.

Rogers is currently offering a free preview of FXX and I caught an episode of The League on TV for the first time.

Right before it started the gravelly voiced announcer warned us about the content and finished by saying “Viewer Discretion Advised”.

I stopped to think about that warning.

What the fuck does it mean?

Based on the definition above that warning makes no fucking sense.

What they SHOULD say is Content Creator’s discretion is tempered by advertiser’s openmindedness or lack thereof.

My understanding of television standards maybe be incomplete and I’m probably talking out of my ass BUT I PAID FOR THIS URL. I OWN THIS PEICE OF INTERNET REAL ESTATE AND I’LL USE IT TO GET UP ON A SOAPBOX AND MAKE WILD, UNINFORMED, PROCLAMATIONS!!!

Cable networks like AMC and FX operate outside of the control of the FCC. They use that freedom to let Ruxin call Taco a “shit sipper”, to let Dennis and Mac call Dee’s boyfriend “retarded” and to let me see Keri Russell’s bare ass and some Russian broad’s “underboob”.

They have freedom to say the swears that delight me so.

But they ask for MY discretion?

My understanding is that they can drop F-Bombs and show some real tits and dicks but the reason they don’t go full Showtime and HBO is because they think advertisers will pull out if the show is to risqué.

Dis some bullshit!

Remember that episode of Breaking Bad?

I.F.T?

Skylar White’s last line in that episode is “I Fucked Ted” and it’s so goddamed impactful.

I watched that episode on Netflix.

No censorship.

I can’t IMAGINE watching on TV and having an ADR with poor syncing, change the line to something lame like “hump” or “screw” or even worse a god dammed fucking BLEEP.

We need more dirt on TV.

The characters need to talk like real people.

I want to see GIANT COCKS on NBC.

I want to see an episode of Friends With Better Lives where some lady tells her fella that she won’t blow him until he gets rid of his bush.

I wanna see that episode!

James Van Der Beek needs to get his balls waxed.

That show would break all kinds of records!!!

He gets some tiny Asian lady to wax his taint.

AND WE SEE IT!

They show it all.

In motherfucking HD, yo!

They show her spreading that wax on Dawson’s browneye and YANKING IT OFF!

I wanna hear him shout as she pulls off that first strip.

He lets out a loud, “MOTHERFUCKER!!!”.

That’s my vision for the future of broadcasting.

The FCC is just a bunch of fucking buzzkills.

They should all go suck a giant cock…

and fucking finally let me see Keri Goddammed Russell’s tits for once.

Jesus!