Betcha Forgot 5

 

Kyle and Josh start an impromptu forgot-athon only to be interrupted, partway through, by Callie’s insistence on bringing up current events like some kind of… responsible adult.

Like the man child he is, Josh ignores her attempts at “real conversation” and he and Kyle take another one of their strolls down memory lane.

Bet YOU forgot about:

Miko Hughes
Police Academy
Starship Troopers: Roughnecks
Lost in Space
Lacey Chabert
Not Another Teen Movie
Who’s Karl?
Perfect Score ScarJo Panties
Troma Films
Carob Bars
Twitches
Cosby
Sitcoms Missing Siblings
Fresh Prince 4th Wall
Robocop Cartoon
Beetlejuice Cartoon
Biker Mice From Mars
Sailor Moon
Digimon
Denver the Last Dinosaur
Widget
Beverly Hills Teens
Dudley the Dragon
Dutch Ruder
Tickle Me Elmo
Wrestling Buddies
Stretch Armstrong

You’re Tearing Me Apart, Lisa!

I’ve seen a lot of movies in my day. Most have been good, some have been bad, but never did I dream of watching a movie so transcendentally bad that, like Alexander, I wept because “there were no more worlds to conquer”

Of course the movie I’m describing is Tommy Wiseau’s 2003 masterpiece The Room.

OH, HAI!

After being told by almost everyone how great this movie is, I finally sat down and watched it with my friends Kyle and Callie. This movie is 11 years old. You could say I’m a little late to the party.

Here’s our special commentary track for you to enjoy.

 

Swallow the Little Pill

Recently I’ve been using VTAN for my burgeoning “podcast network”.

If you listen to Long Distance Bromance, Sibling Drive-alry, Bored Games and Betcha Forgot, then you know recently I’ve been talking on the podcasts a whole lot and not writing the way I used to.

Here goes, a “real” blog entry:

I’ve been struggling with maintaining sobriety in my life. I’ve been in “the program” for 268 days but it’s only been 61 days since I got uncontrollably smashed!

I blame Team Canada and the Olympics but it’s really MY FAULT, not anyone else’s

Tonight I didn’t do my usual bingeing on 18 year old Scotch. Maybe a $140 bottle on Lagavulin or LaPhroig.

While my mouth waters just THINKING about a tumbler of neat whiskey, today I stole a bunch of pain pills from my dad.

He’s in really bad shape health wise, and he has A TON of prescription drugs that just kept BEGGING me to take them out of the cabinet and putting them in my belly.

So now here I am. Wandering the streets after midnight, playing my harmonica to scare people. Making kids in their beds think there’s a harmonica ghost or something.
Looking for the only fast food joint that’s still open and stuffing my face with late night pizza.

I almost got into a fight with a bunch of “angry teens” because I wouldn’t share my pie.

I’m going to be so embarrassed when I sober up and read this but fuck it.

That’s Sober Josh’s problem. Fuck that guy he’s an asshole!!!

I don’t know who the hell would be interested in reading this but I’ll throw it out into the world and see what happens.

So I’m sitting in a pizza place using my iTelephone to blog.

My battery is dying.

I need to take advantage of the free wi-fi and blog this while I’m in this state of mind.

IN VINO VERITAS!

My pharmacologically altered state of mind I can be honest for REALS GUYS!!!

Ok here are my true confessions!

I’m unhappy with almost every aspect of my life.

I can’t ever imagine a situation that will cause that to change. There is no solution to this problem.

I have such a stubborn temperament that makes it impossible for me to socialize with other humans.

I hate almost everyone I meet. I judge people based on their taste in movies, television, music and books.

I believe that when making friends “What you like” is more important than “what you ARE like”.

I like such weird things. This long weekend I spent the whole time watching EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of the Twilight Zone and playing LEGEND OF ZELDA: Ocarina of Time.

Then all of a sudden I Jeckle/Hyde and I’m in love with Dan Schnieder’s Nickelodeon shows. iCarly, Victorious, Sam & Cat. I honestly feel these are among the best produced TV shows in history.

What kind of weirdo WORSHIPS Star Wars but hates all other sci-fi? I FUCKING HATE DR. WHO, STARGATE, ORPHAN BLACK, LOST GIRL and all that other bullshit.

I was on a date with a girl from Plenty of Fish and got up and left in the middle of the meal when she asked me “Who’s your favourite Doctor?”

I threw a wad of cash to pay the bill and just walked away without saying a word.

THAT’S HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT.

But I get a ton of crap from everyone because I like One Direction.

Most of these people who hate these guys KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM!

At least I watched the stuff I hate.

I’ve seen EVERY EPISODE of the Big Bang Theory because I want to be able to construct an informed argument when I tell people why IT’S THE WORST FUCKING SHOW EVER MADE!!!!

Holy shit. I should not blog when I’m high as balls the way I am now.

iCarly is so fucking good. It’s a PERFECT SITCOM. It’s so self aware of the tropes they were using.

People my age look back on Saved by the Bell and Boy Meets World as being so good. The shows are SO SHITTY but our nostalgia makes us think it’s good.

I’m doing reverse nostalgia. iCarly is this generation’s Saved by the Bell and in the future it will be remembered so fondly. The only difference is that it’s SUCH A BETTER SHOW.

Just watch it.

Listen to One Direction’s Midnight Memories.

I also LOVE Kevin Smith, I listen to ALL his SModcast podcasts.

Nerdist is ALWAYS in my ears when I’m walkin’ about.

I have SO FUCKING MUCH ROOSTER TEETH MERCHANDISE. Hoodies, T-Shirt Tuesdays shirts. I’ve been an RT Sponsor for 3 years.

Why do I need to prove my “nerd cred”?

I have the weirdest taste. I LOVE HIP HOP and classic rock is in my blood and bones. But I also have Weird Al in my iTunes.

I’m eclectic. I just like what I like and I hate that I feel like people always try to “categorize” me.

I am so fucking stoned right now.

It’s time to stop this pill fuelled ranting and walk home.

There’s a couple VTAN podcasts that we’ve recorded and I’ll release them soon.

Kyle is gonna be out of town until June because he’s working on a real HOLLYWOOD MOVIE!!!

So it might be a while before you get a “new” VTAN podcast.

Betchya Forgot 4

What do Rachael Leigh Cook and Alicia Silverstone have in common?

besides the fact that Josh spent his adolescence FURIOUSLY MASTURBATING to their movies…

You probably forgot about both of them!

What else have you forgotten?

On today’s episode: Battle Dome, Aaron Carter, Delta Burke, Jake Lloyd and more!

 

 

Bored Games: 7 Wonders

I told you we’d be back. As long as people are misguided enough to invite me over to play board games I’m gonna keep recording the conversations.

Just like Nixon.

SHUT UP, That’s why!

So here we are discussing technology, genetics, artificial intelligence and its potential to wipe out humanity.

We talk about sexual fetishism and the pros and cons of pleading insanity as a murder defense.

More than anything we discuss religion and the nature of God all while playing what is possibly the greatest board game of all time!

André the Giant NOT included.

Click here to download, or use the player above to stream.

Betcha Forgot vol. 3

It’s that time again, children. More ‘membering!
[editor’s note: yes, that is the title of the sequel to Josh’s sex tape]

In this episode we discuss many of the shards of your childhood that have slipped your mind, but we also spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the sexual applications of Fun Dip.

I can’t be the ONLY ONE who’s confused one of these for a condom in a dark room before.

 

What the hell else are you gonna do for the next 20 minutes?

Click here to download since I’m still too lazy to put this on iTunes, or use the player above to stream.